Joyce Lee Life Coaching Moment

I got a letter from a woman who asked me how to go about finding Spirituality.

She said she thought her life would be greatly enhanced if she believed in a Higher Power but she didn’t know where to start. She admitted to having reservations based on negative experiences in her family of origin.

Dear Marie Claire,

Don’t worry because you haven’t fully discovered your spirituality yet.  If you are ready to explore, you will find your very own, intensely personal relationship with the Beloved.

There is no right way or wrong way…  there is only your way.

Take your time, create your own pace.   I am excited for you.  You are about to embark on a wonderful journey.   Who knows what you will find?  Your Spiritual understanding is bound to be as unique as you are.

All around you are wonderful examples of people with deeply satisfying spiritual relationships.  The flavors and textures are as varied as the people themselves.  The book stores are filled with Spiritual teachings from our culture as well as other cultures around the world…. and there are churches of varied faiths in every community.  The internet is rich beyond words with people gathering in fellowship to practice and explore their spirituality.

Once you open yourself to the journey,  you will find divine inspiration everywhere that will keep moving you along.  The important thing is getting started.

So, if you would like to start your Spiritual Quest, I offer the following thoughts and questions for your consideration.
Reflect on what each means to you.  Go into as much depth as you are able to.  Think about it, talk about it…

• What was the spiritual environment like as I grew up?  What messages did I get from my parents? My community?
• Do the messages still fit me?  Would I like to say “No, Thank you” to any?
• What is my understanding of Higher Power?
• How do I want to feel when I am spiritually connected?
• What are some of the spiritual belief systems that I might like to explore?
• What words am I most comfortable with when referring to my spirituality?
• What is my current spiritual practice?
• What are areas that I would like to explore and develop in my spiritual relationship?
• What spiritual lessons am I currently involved in?
• What are the questions I want to ask about faith and spirituality?
• Is there anything that makes me uncomfortable when I think/talk about Higher Power?
• What spiritual support do I have access to?  Which friends might enjoy spiritual conversations?
• What topics might I like to examine with a friend?
• What does the term “Spiritual Awakening” mean to me?

These prompts are designed to take you deeper into your understanding of your own personal relationship with Higher Power.
The more time you spend exploring this relationship, the better your understanding of self and purpose you will gain.  Your life will take on an inner glow and you will cherish the opportunity to spend connecting with your Beloved Creator.

Please remember that this belongs to you…

The other day, I had an opportunity to share an experience I had years ago.  It’s a juicy story… loaded with imagery and interesting twists and turns. The antagonist in my story is the kind of woman who is just asking to be disliked and criticized… With each past telling, I would get swept away with righteous indignation and feel victimized all over again.

Looking back , I always felt a bit itchy when I shared that experience… Something about the way I told it seemed sensationalistic and a bit dishonest.  I think I struggled with my motives for telling about it in the first place.  I really painted the other woman as a troll… and truth be told… she isn’t a troll at all… she… just like me… was doing the best she could with what she had to work with.  If I am to be completely honest, I wanted my audience to side with me and not like the other woman.

I guess I’ve grown up…

The other day, when I told the same story, I told it from a completely different perspective.  I saw it as a life lesson about being young and tender and easily bruised.  None of the old feelings of anger and blame showed up… I felt completely at peace.  A life lesson.  A teacher and a student.

I wonder if the other woman has evolved too?  Has she done her inner work?  Is she reaching towards being a better person?  Does she remember?  Does she wish me peace?

Where ever she is… I have forgiven her, and forgiven myself too for my part… I am free of any negative bond that existed between us… I wish her well on her journey…

That story has a happy ending…

What about you?  Have you experienced this type of growth? I would love to hear about it….

Some of my co-baby boomer friends and I are discovering the necessity of ‘cleaning up our act’ especially when it comes to nutritional health.

As we age, many of us are finding that mid life comes with assorted mid life and body bulges… someone called the little roll on top of our jeans a muffin top… funny and sad and true at the same time… :)))

I personally have a family history of high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes… When I was younger, I didn’t give it much thought… I was focused on the little picture of my life, but each year brought a broader focus and some reality checks…

I finally accepted that my lifestyle was pointing me in the same direction as my family members with compromised health issues.  I was substantially overweight, making regular unhealthy food choices and I smoked.

Had I kept moving in the direction I was pointed… I was inviting the diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease so common in my family.

Thankfully, I have found my own path to health and I openly share what may be of relevance and benefit to anyone who is open to talking about it…

Some thoughts on food and food for thought:

• I plan my food for the week, it saves time in the long run
• I stopped using condiments and buying processed foods
• I eat plenty of fresh and fruits
• I rarely venture into the middle aisles in the grocery store
• I drink water, tea and my morning coffee only
• I cook at home so I know what is in my food
• I gave up sugary foods
• I educated myself about nutrition
• I keep it simple
• I consciously celebrate the abundance of healthful food
• I attend a regular online support group with like minded women who support my health and wellness
• I sit at a clean dining room table complete with cloth placemats, napkins and a candle in a goddess candleholder
• I give thanks for everything I eat
• I focus on health
• I make daily peace with my body
• I exercise regularly, even when I don’t feel like it
• I talk health, health, health

The time I spend with you, talking health and wellness adds tremendously to my overall positive life experience… I feel good when I talk about my health and the Law of Attraction responds to my positive feelings and sends me more to feel good about…

So, would I give up the freedom and health I enjoy now for a plate of something sweet, greasy or gooey?  Not a chance…  nope… I would rather feel good…

Please leave a comment here and also pop over to Happy, Healthy and Authentic: Loving the Woman in the Mirror… my facebook support group for women like you… so far there are more than 30 topics for you to jump in on, including one like this…  here’s the address:   http://tinyurl.com/dataqs

Lets talk…  I am just one woman with one perspective… I learn lots from you and value your input.

take some… leave some…

Nancy is struggling with maintaining a positive attitude in the middle of a negative home environment with the people she loves… she is asking for help…

I would like to offer some thoughts and insight into how the Law of Attraction applies and we’ll take it from there…

Thoughts and Insights:

• We get what we focus on whether we want it or not… so if the normal environment in our home is negative and we spend a lot of time pushing against each other, we will feel frustrated or angry and vibrate frustrated and angry and attract more to be frustrated and angry about… think > feel > vibrate > attract
• We cant change anyone else. We all know that… but we need to accept it… we can’t change anyone else, or create in their reality… it is a waste of energy.  bummer eh?
• No one else can change us or create in our reality either… We are 100% responsible for our personal vibration… If we want to change, we must change what we spend our time thinking about…
• What would inner peace look like? Just suppose no-one else changes, and just suppose that we choose to stay in the same environment… what would we like to feel like on a daily basis?…. hmmm….
• What kind of focus would we need in order to feel inner peace? Now that we are deliberately taking our focus off our problems, and the negativity of others, what are we going to put our focus on?
• The more time we spend working on our self, our positive attitude, our positive self image…. we change… when we change on the inside, things change on the outside…

Ok…. NOW we are getting somewhere…  So… it all comes down to being about me… me… me….

• My focus, my inner peace…my many blessings…
• What do I love… what am I grateful for?
• How spiritually fit am I?
• What inner work do I need to do?
• Where is my journal?
• How do I look after myself?
• How do I treat me?
• What do I want?
• I want to spend time with positive people
• I want to stop talking about problems, stop giving them attention

So… these are some quick insights to the process of inner peace… In my humble opinion… it really is all about you Nancy… Just take your focus off of the inner peace of others and put it on the inner peace of your self…  see what happens…

You were born to be happy… you deserve to be happy… it is never too late to change your life…

I used to be a “right fighter”… I was always rallying against an injustice of one type or another… I would get myself all worked up, be fighting mad… I would enlist the support of my friends and we would spend our time together criticizing, complaining, moaning and blaming.

I’ve written angry letters, gone on rants, fought many a good fight…

Alas…my days of strapping on my amazon shield, picking up my sword and fighting the good fight are over.  I don’t want to spend my energy ‘being against’ anything anymore…

My whole approach to life has softened… I want spend my energy ‘being for‘ the goodness in life.  There is so much of that… The way I see it, if I place my energy on growth and kindness and service… I make the world just that much easier for everyone else to be in…

Picture this:

• you are in a room full of people (like a town hall meeting)
• 3/4 of the people are mad and exuding mad energy
• do you feel good?

Now picture this:

• you are in a room full of people
• 3/4 of them are smiling and nodding their heads
• do you feel good?

I want to feel good when I am around you…I enjoy your positive energy… I want you to feel good when you are around me… when you feel good, you inspire me to feel good, when I feel good, I create from that place… it’s a win-win-win situation…

I admit to sliding back into looking for my sword and shield from time to time when I hear about an injustice or stupidity, but, given time, I usually soften and look for the path of understanding, acceptance and positive expectation… “you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one, I hope some day you’ll join us, and the world will be as one… imagine”

The cool thing is… according to the Law of Attraction… we get what we focus on whether we want it or not… so…. by focusing on solutions and ‘positivities’… I get more of that… my whole life is much softer now…

What do you think?

A young woman recently asked me how to get rid of her anger.

She said out of the blue someone she cared about would say something or do something that would trigger her anger and she would go off on a rant.  She said she often felt out of control and scared herself with the intensity.  She told me she always felt bad about her outburst later and wanted to stop.

My thoughts and experiences on anger :  (in my humble opinion only, not conclusive and certainly open to discussion)

• Feeling angry occasionally is different than being/holding angry inside
• Anger is often built up over long periods of time
• Anger often waits patiently or impatiently for someone to trigger it
• It is a secondary emotion often covering pain and grief
• It is often easier to express than the pain and grief it covers
• Letting go of anger is a process that can take time
• If I didn’t own the emotional button, it couldn’t be pressed by outside influences.
• Anger and the pool of unresolved ‘whatever’ beneath it, is a personal responsibility
• Anger has a lot of expressive physical energy that when honored in a safe and respectful way, is empowering
• Unexpressed anger is poisonous
• I wish our culture was healthier about expressing anger in empowering ways

What to do:

• Be honest and reflective about the source of anger
• If your anger has its roots in unresolved issues from the past, own that, and decide to resolve it in a healthy way
• Give yourself permission to be imperfect
• Seek a healthy resource to process the anger (coach, counselor, mental health)
• Talk about it with your resource person, bring it into the light… it will lose it’s power over you
• Roll up your sleeves and do your inner work
• Set some healthy personal boundaries on behavior when you are angry
• Stop trying to be right all the time (bit of a different issue, but can apply)

On a personal note:

I have danced with my own ancient anger… I have resolved what needed to be resolved, forgiven who/what needed to be forgiven, and honored the pain and grief that layed under the anger.   It took work… it wasn’t fun… but here I am… I am free…  “Look Ma… no buttons…”

I intend that ‘Happy’ is the way I want to go through this one and only life as me. From the spirit of happiness, all manner of wonders appear… feeling happy feels good.

I used to think that happiness was something that ‘just happened’ randomly… but in the past years, I realize that I have complete control over my happiness because I have complete control over my thoughts…

With my internal compass set on ‘True Happy’, I notice and even bring out the best in ever situation and person I meet.  Each moment is another opportunity for me to choose happy or not happy…With each encounter I can choose:

• to point out the flaws or point out the blessings
• to stew about problems or think about solutions
• to listen to my inner critic or listen to my higher self

This isn’t fluff stuff… with this mindset, I have lost and kept off a tremendous amount of weight for over 3 years, enjoy each and every day, have a great relationship with my Higher Power,  the woman in the mirror, the man in my bed and the whole world in general… as my mom used to say: “the proof is in the pudding.”

To that end (happiness) I am willing to resolve, settle, forgive, heal, let go of anything that keeps me stuck in ‘unhappy‘.

What about you?  What do you think?

Repeat after me:  I am beautiful!  I am beautiful just because I am.  I am beautiful because I am a woman.  I am beautiful because I am soft and warm.  I am beautiful to me!

We have been raised in a culture that does not support us feeling good enough and beautiful unless we fit some whacked out description of what is acceptable in the media.

I’ve never in my life fit the media’s perception of beauty.  I happen to be big boned which disqualified me right at the start.  Top that off with a life long struggle with disordered eating and the subsequent excess weight and I would have choked on those words…

Now… at 50… I am healthy, I have long since released the excess weight but have hung onto the baggy and droopy bits… I have wrinkles, and lots of grey hair… and gravity is not my friend… :)))

And yet… I can stand in front of a full length mirror wearing only my birthday suit, look myself full on and appreciate my beauty.

I don’t think beauty has much at all to do with the wrapping… it is the whole package… beauty is a delight of all the senses… It’s an honest smile, an open face, a love of life… an inside job…

Isn’t it?

What do you think?

My friend Emily told me that she used to think that she had to do everything perfectly when she was younger. Her flowerbeds were meticulously groomed at all times, her everything was meticulous at all times. She said it was just too much to keep up and it felt empty.

She said that one day, she decided that excellence was  good enough for her… hmmmm… doesn’t that sound good?   Excellence is good enough… She said it relieved a lot of pressure.

I have a lovely home, a great yard, lots of flower beds, horses… so much abundance… I love my world! Yet, if you came to my house in the past, chances are before you got into the kitchen, I would be apologizing for my housekeeping, saying sorry about the chickweed in the garden or feeling inadequate because my lawn needed weed-eating and mowing…

Not anymore… I am taking a life lesson from Emily… My new motto is excellence is good enough for me…

I bite my tongue instead of apologising for anything about the state of my house or environment…  I figure if I keep the bathroom spotless, the cups clean,  fresh sheets on the guest bed and the majority of the lumps picked up… along with running my business and enjoying my life… it’s all good.  In fact… it’s excellent!

What do you think?

What if processed and fast food was healthy…

• trans fat was good for us
• cheese cake had the same calories as celery
• we needed to drink 8 glasses of wine a day (just kidding, hiccup)
• the food guide recommended 6 - 8 servings of chocolate a day…
• deep fried foods were heart healthy
• all those chemicals in our food were essential

There is an old saying that if Mother Nature made it, go ahead and eat it, If Man made it, stay away.

I was appalled when I realized I had adopted a ‘fast and easy’ approach to food and cooking instead of a ‘healthful and nutritious’ approach.

We really are what we eat.  Our bodies don’t know how to metabolize some of the pseudo foods we eat and offer to our families.  In my case, this showed up as excess weight and a sluggish metabolism.

Watching that movie about the guy who ate at a fast food restaurant 3 times a day for a month, convinced me…. ewwwww…

I had to make complete overhaul of my food plan several years ago… My lifestyle at the time was leading to health problems.  I went through my pantry and got rid of all the processed foods that had been staples up to that point.

It was a shift to plan and create balanced meals made from whole, fresh foods.

Now, I do my grocery shopping once a week, and one of the beautiful benefits of my new relationship with food and my health is that I don’t waste food anymore.  By grocery day, my refrigerator is pretty much empty.  I like that.

I am healthier at 50 than I was at 40… my metabolism today is efficient and energetic… I am a low risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes… let me tell you, that helps me cuddle in for a great night sleep.

If I am what I eat… I am wholesome and nutritious and lovely and full of fibre… :)))

What do you think?  What do you do?  Have you changed?