Wellness for Woman: Lisa’s plea for help…
Comments(13) Sometimes I get taken aback by the bigness of people’s lives and the struggles they face on a daily basis. How do you use the Law of Attraction when you are in the middle of a difficult reality?… How do you change when you are limited by circumstances beyond your control? Where is the hope when things seem hopeless?
Lisa sent this reply to my last post entitled Thoughts on Food and Food for Thought. I am going to offer this to our counsel of loving, strong and wise women and we will wrap Lisa in our loving support. No one is alone… all you
have to do is reach out… there are women all over the world who have your best in their hearts…
Lisa wrote:
“I had a horrible car accident not my fault 2 yrs ago, the culprit died with no insurance nothing,,I have tried to survive after being out of work for 9 months raising 3 small children, with a deadbeat dad..I am struggling trying to feed everyone,and macaroni and cheese is our food…I am very depressed, cannot excercise because of metal rods in my legs and crushed foot..my weight is now 275 lbs or so..I am so so depressed, please can anyone lift me up ?…and give me a boost ?..I work 12 hours shift at a hospital (unit clerk)…thank you..”
I’ll go first:
Good morning Lisa… first of all, thankyou for having the courage to share your story with us. It can’t be easy to get up every day and do what you need to do for your children when you are feeling so heavily burdened… Here’s a hug to start this day… (((((((Lisa/Joyce)))))).
I don’t have your answers, but I want to share what I know from my own experiences and from what others have shared with me. You have told us:
- You have small children to raise until they are adults
- You have physical limitations on what you are able to do
So… when a situation is what a situation is… the question becomes how are you going to walk through it? As a woman of power or as a woman who sees herself as a victim? There is a huge difference in the perspectives…
- Those girls could have lost you completely… thank the Powers That Be, that you are still here to model how to be a strong woman. That’s your job description. Whether it’s fair or not… you need to reclaim your power for both your sake and for theirs too… they are watching you.
- There are always small steps that can be taken that will feel empowering. I am not going to tell you what to do but I will ask… what do you do/can you do on a daily basis that moves you forward? What are your internal resources?
- There are external resources available to help with self esteem issues… for starters I recommend an online support group for your weight/health issues… it only takes a minute to check in online let someone reach out and hold your hand. Go to Yahoo Groups and look at the huge lists… find one that is speaking your language… and connect. (I used to be as heavy if not heavier than you are now, and I have been connected to my online support group for 10 years or so… I still connect at least 5 times a week, it’s how I stay well)
Lisa, I am sending you unconditional love today… I will light a candle for you and hope that you keep reaching deep within yourself to that place of power and put your focus on strength and growth and happy…
Because what I know is this:
Change the inside and the outside has to change to keep up…
Brightest Blessings to you.
Joyce
Lisa,
Depression is an old friend of mine and I know how you feel. I agree with Joyce that your kids will always be there to pull through. My three kids are the only thing that keep me going when I get depressed. Try to enjoy the simple things in life; a board game, reading a book together, a movie marathon, anything cheap that will bring joy to you and your children. I just keep remembering something that Dr. Phil said and it’s not an exact quote, but he said to a woman Your children would rather have you and their family intact in an apartment or anywhere than have a huge luxurious home and a broken family. Your kids need you and you need them embrace them and soon you will see some light at the other end. I feel for you. Take care of yourself because if you don’t you can’t take care of anyone else.
Dear Lisa,
Community or church resources may be able to help you with groceries and your children’s school has government funded free and reduced lunch programs.
I commend you on your resourcefulness. Mac n cheese may not be exciting food, but it’s food nonetheless. Chinese noodles, eggs, rice, beans, and other dried foods are other sources of inexpensive food to expand your meals. Buying meat in bulk and freezing it in usable portions reduces the cost per serving of expensive meat. Turkey is a very inexpensive meat when you consider it per serving. Cook it, freeze it in small freezer bags and it’s ready for eating and adding to recipes. Mix that expensive milk with reconstituted powdered milk and your kids will probably not even notice the difference.
There are a number of wonderful websites which offer coupons for groceries. A Sunday newspaper offers many dollars in coupons as well. The grocery store of your choice offers more coupons which stretch your grocery budget. Memberships in warehouse stores offer greater savings when buying in bulk as well. If you shop on days (usually Saturday or Sunday) when the grocery stores are giving samples around every corner, the kids can get an extra free treat.
Are your children old enough for age appropriate jobs such as babysitting, lawn mowing, dog walking, shoveling snow, leaf raking, etc.? I’m not suggesting at all you put their little noses to the grindstone, but even a few hours on weekends could give them money for their own expenses such as clothes with some pocket money left over and it will teach them wonderful lessons about money, responsibility, and making good choices. I’m heasitant to suggest a newspaper delivery job. This is a very challenging and labor intesive job that requires hard working young people to get up in the middle of the night. It’s a very hard way to make a dollar.
Check your community and church for support groups and meetings which are low cost or free. You must make time for yourself. It has to be a priority. You have to care for yourself so you’ll be able to be stronger for your kids. Start with the workplace for these groups. Do you have a support system to lean on for encouragemet? I hope you do and that you’ll ask them for it. Do you have other neighbors with children? Share childcare duties so you’ll have some time to go out with friends for some much needed soical time without the expense of a sitter. Is your husband open to counseling? Again, your church may offer this resource for free.
The resources to help you reach a better place for you and your family are there. I urge you to use them.
God Bless you.
Dear Lisa,
I may not have advise on the kids, but I can tell you that over time the pain of the accident will get better. I did not have rods put in my leg, but my first major car accident was in 1994, and my second was in 2005. It is always a surprise and a blessing that I survived both of them. I have been in pain and had a headache since 1994 and the problems only compounded after the 2005 accident. The advice I can give you is to keep going every day. My weight has fluctuated because of my mobility and I work hard to keep it manageable. I am at 225 as of now and it is a daily struggle, but there is hope. keep your friends and family close, with the bad food keep the portions small. Do what ever you can to be active, even if it is just getting the mail or walking down the hall. Even when I was the most depressed from the pain I keep the most positive attitude I can. I firmly believe in “fake it till you make it.” Even if you are not feeling it, smile at a stranger or compliment your neighbor. Say “have a great day” to the grocery clerk. If you have access to a pain management specialist they can help you with mental exercises to live past the day-to-day pain. It is hard at first but possible. The pain is a real cause of depression. It is not just a mental thing, or self esteem. An mood stabilizing drug can help you through the worst of it. It does not have to be permanent. Talk to your doctors about your options. All the self esteem and positive thinking in the world can’t always bring you out of a depression because of pain. A combination may be what you need. Every day say something positive to yourself. Every day will get a little better until eventually you will be able to see a noticeable difference. Good luck and God Bless.
Hi,Lisa
First of all a big hug to you. I was reading all the blog send to you. There are so many people who wants to share their love regardless whatyou are. The important thing is you have kids who gave you strenght to survive everyday. Make them your reason to be sucessful and full of strength.
As Anthony Robinns says you can achieve anything if you show passion and commitment to that.
Ahuge hug from me and good luck
God Bless
I was in a car accident in 2006. i am now paralyzed from the waist down,and my right ankle was amputated. i almost died. My husband was the driver at fault.He was drunk. I have 2 sons ages 24 and 21. The 21 yr old lives with me and cares for me.My hubby is in jail till 2010. A canadian couple died in the accident.I found strength in church and prayer. your children will give you strength to move on.they need you. things work out in their own time frame.Every day gets better as life goes on.
try social services.they may be able to help.As far as excercise i cant do anything from the waist on down alone. My nurse does range of motion excercises on my legs.I do wheelchair pushups,lift 10 lb weights,use theraband,trunk twists,i dont drink sodas,i watch my starch intake,carbs,sugars,before the accident i weighed 275. during recovery i lost 100 lbs. i really have to watch what i eat as i easily gain weight and dont want to outgrow my wheelchair.
Stay positive,smile at people and say hi,love your children,when it gets hard pray for strength.Thank god for what you do have, dont worry about what you dont have. dont worry about the past,concentrate on the future.think good and positive thoughts. talk to your pastor.My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Dear Lisa,
It is so hard to see the big picture when we are right in the middle of it. In fact, sometimes it’s hard to see the big picture no matter where we are, but rest assured, there IS a bigger picture.
Sometimes when I simply cannot see my way to a better feeling place with regards to a given situation, it helps me to find something easier. And sometimes that is something as small as picking up a string of beads and counting them. ANYTHING to focus my mind and to feel relief in my gut. Relief is all you need to be seeking right now. Joy is not an emotion you are close to, and it can be so disheartening to try to reach something so far away.
You are a creative, loved and loving piece of this Universe. You are experiencing so much contrast that it must feel as though there is no door out. So look for a window. Or even a crack through the sideboards! You can take your mind to a place that feels better, just by taking control of your thoughts. What good will that do, you ask? It will FEEL better, in the pit of your stomach.
Source loves you, and Source is not wrong. When you feel that knot in your stomach, try to look at yourself and your life through the eyes of Source and know that you WILL come through this, a stronger, more loving and more powerful being than you ever though imaginable.
Now find some beads, a pile of stones, a bag of macaroni and take 20 minutes to do nothing but focus on counting them. I know it sounds silly, but you will know it is relief by the loosening of the knot in your stomach.
It is impossible to see through the eyes of another, so nobody but you really knows what is right for you. On the other hand, you truly DO know what it right for you, so quiet your mind and listen. You are wise.
Blessings,
Carol
I have goosebumples when I read the wisdom here…
I am thanking you all from the bottom of my heart for reaching out in love and support…
Together “WE” are smarter than “I”… that’s the way of it… that’s the way it works so beautifully…
Thank you my friends…
Joyce
Lisa,
Try not to look at everything in front of you at once just focus on what you can take care of at hand and make small improvements. You are a woman who gave birth to 3 children so I know your tough ! I will keep you in my prayers. Please try not to let anyone drag you down keep focused and move forward with your chin up. You can do it.
Lisa,
First of all, I want you to know that we are all here for you!
I know the frustration of trying to provide for your family when you are the only one doing it. I know how hard it can be to try & raise children on your own with no support from their father. I too had to take care of two small children, one with disabilities, on my own. It can be difficult and challenging, but it can also be rewarding.
I too, suffered from depression, for years with out even knowing it. I now take something for my depression which has helped. I just wish I had recognized the signs long before now.
I agree that our children get us through tough times. However we as parents have to be careful not to rely on them too much & remember that they are still children.
Now if I may I have some suggestions for you & your situation:
~Check with you local health dept & ask them if they have a list of support groups for single parents, depression groups, etc.
~Check with your local community resource society & see if they have any support groups or even if they may offer free counselling services. They may also have a food bank available & if not them they may be able to tell you may have one.
~Check out the local Salvation Army, they may have a program like a food bank available, too.
~Talk to your Dr about meds, & ask about assistance with the cost of meds.
~If you live in the states, look into getting food stamps there is no shame in getting food stamps that is what they are there for. That is what the program was designed for, a help up not a hand out.
~Since you work at your local hospital, go to the rehab dept & see if they can/will give you a list of exercises that you can do in your condition.
~Above all, remember this….
You are not alone!! You are so lucky to have all your “sisters” here to support you! We are all only a key click away!!!
Keep your chin up, show your daughters what a strong woman looks like & that it is ok to ask for help along the way!! They will love & respect you for it in the end!!
(((((Lisa))))))
Lisa,
I am going to leave a link here for you to watch…it’s the movie “The Secret”, and it’s all about the laws of attraction. I have felt a definite shift in my life after watching this movie and putting it into practice.
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=A0F89404515F3D1B
I also write in a gratitude journal daily or weekly. On one page I write what I am grateful for: ie: Thank you for the rain and the beautiful spring flowers. On the next page I write what I intend to happen in my life but with using gratitude words and in the present tense:ie: I am grateful for the abundance of love and support in my life. I have shared this information with other friends and have seen their lives changed for the positive, and it has helped them go from powerless…to powerful! The more appreciation and gratitude you have in your life, the more appreciation and gratitude will come to you. The universe is limitless and is just waiting for you to reach out and create your reality! Go for it and think big!!!
Grow in love,
Karen
Hi Lisa,
People are strong if they believe they are strong. Don’t do it for your children, do it for yourself and remember that your children will remember how you RESPONDED to your situation more than they remember details of the accident. And then they will have something to be proud of!
Even when times are tough, if you try to purchase healthy fruits and veggies (and not white-flour or sugary junk food) the weight will come off… especially combined with some exercise. I teach yoga so I know that everyone can move. There’s such a thing as chair yoga: http://tinyurl.com/qkjheg Also, a pose called ‘legs up the wall’ where you put your legs literally up a wall may help with pain. It helps pregnant moms avoid getting vericose veins and relieve pain for moms/people who already have it.
Now, about positivity… have you heard of Abraham Hicks (Jerry & Esther Hicks)? You could probably find their books at a library but they also send out a daily email quote for FREE! Here’s the link to that: http://tinyurl.com/64nvxc
Final advice… my parents were alcholics. My dad blamed me for everything and my mom used me as an excuse not to leave him. Do it for YOU and don’t put extra responsibility on your kids (I don’t mean work but the added pressure of ONLY doing it for them). It will suck the childhood out of them. Life should be fun! You just need a way to make it fun. Maybe your kids can do chair yoga with you?!
Wishing you love, fun… and the attraction of abundance!
Kim
Hi Lisa,
I am late to reply, but I want to add my thoughts. In 2000,I was involved in accident I don’t remember as I was knocked unconscious which put me in recovery mode;from wheelchair, to relearning to walk, waiting for my eyesight to return and so much else in terms of physical therapy and releasing emotional pain. My recovery was my job for years.
I relate to your story concerning your finances and can tell you that there are some helps out there.SS offices, Department of Vocational Rehabilitaion can even provide food,clothing and training for a new job while you are recovering. The 99 Cent Store can get you many food items for 99 cents. There are ways to get around the cycle that depression can bring. Sometimes it takes releasing your pride about circumstances and reaching out to the right kind of help and then others will reach back.
If you have any kind of religous inclination, often churches provide with food, counseling and outreach as well. I hope some of the suggestions are of help. Reach out and you will find others reaching back.
Maria
Lisa, I LOVE YOU – (((((LISA/SEQUOIA)))))
I want to congratulate you on having the strength and wisdom to ask for help! Ask and you shall recieve! The first place to look for help is within and then expand out after listening to your heart and discovering what makes you feel good(I mean inner Joy, not physical pleasure). Focus on inner Joy and worry not! The advice above is more than enough to keep you going, so I will end here with the simple fact that by waking and breathing you are successful! Each little success such as getting out of bed and feeding yourself and kids is the silver lining. As we focus on Joy each day gets better and better. Please know that you are not alone and that you are loved in ways you cannot even imagine. God Bless you on your Journey!