Wellness for Women: What’s your “issue?”
Comments(10) 
Good Morning,
I was talking to my good friend yesterday about her struggles with her Mom. For her own reasons, Mom is highly critical and unnaccepting of my friend. I have known this friend for almost 15 years and she is bright, accomplished, talented and kind… the kind of daughter I would be proud to have…
My friend’s Mom obviously has her own emotional buttons and baggage that she needs to deal with, however, looking down the road, there doesn’t seem to be any indication that she intends to do any inner work. My friend just keeps looking for tools to help reach a healthy relationship with her unhealthy Mother…
I know women who are bright, talented, accomplished and loving who:
- really struggle with negative body images
- have eating disorders (various forms)
- drink too much (some to dull the pain, some to dull the passion)
- are control freaks
- have various addictions
- pick lousy partners
- have childish behaviors
- have lives and relationships fraught with conflict
I could go on and on…
What I’ve noticed is this: We all seem to have one sponsoring issue that weaves itself though our lives…often the origins are deeper than the issue…
For instance:
- My own eating disorder (issue) evolved as a way to cope with the turmoil in my growing up
- A woman may drink too much as a way to numb herself to the disappointment she has in her heart for the lifestyle she feels trapped in
- The control freak may need to have everything perfect in order to feel safe. Her childhood was chaotic, unpredictable and she never felt safe. She overcompensates by micro-managing everything and everyone around her
- The woman who picks lousy partners has her own story to tell. Her behavior makes sense too
- The woman who behaves like a child, had an emotional trauma when she was young and got stuck
We are all the logical by-product of our circumstances. Can we change if we want to? Absolutely. My own eating disorder doesn’t run my life anymore. I’ve done my work… My friend who is a control freak is doing her inner work to trust the universe and loosen her corset a bit… The woman who picks lousy partners is staying out of relationships while she grows her own loving relationship with herself…
So, the moral to this writing is… it’s ok to have issues… we all do… find a non-shaming person or group that allows you to own your story and take responsibility for doing your inner work. Then like Nike says: “Just Do It”
Some women never do get around to doing their inner work, to healing, forgiving, changing… some women never access the culture and language of change… that’s their right… we can’t create in someone else’s reality.
“Bless them… change me” My evolution is my responsibility, yours is yours…
So… what’s your issue?
Note:
If this opens a pocket of awareness for you that seems too big to face alone… I just want you to know, I can help you. I have years of experience with my own inner work and supporting others in planning theirs. I can help you make sense of your baggage, plan your path and inner work, walk beside you as you do do your inner work, hold your hand or point you in the right direction if you need support beyond my skills.
If you want to talk to me about specific life issue coaching go to: http://joyceleelifecoach.com/contact/
Brightest Blessings to you on your path… you are obviously taking responsibility for your happiness or you wouldn’t be reading this… 
))
Joyce
Joyce,
THank you for your writtings. I have been reading them and enjoying doing so. I am 66 yr. and have been working on my issues for years. I have given up the relationships, lots more, but still have to work my issues with two sons.
I look forward to reading more.
Thanks,
Janet
Thanks Joyce for you perceptive and loving message.
Issues are often coping mechanisms, and sometimes we think they protect us from something we fear. At least that’s been my experience as a “somewhat” control freak. I enjoy reading your messages and thanks again!
Good one, Joyce. What you say is so true. You are providing a valuable service to women. *hugs*
May I ask what would be ideal for your friend to do in her situation?
thx much joyce! I love the “bless them…change me” thought.
I was in a very very unhealhty relationship with myself… I didnt love myself at all so I was in to drugs & drinking. then one day my sister gave me a book called “The Secret”…that changed my life. I went into rehab for the 6th time this time with my husband. N now we are in a better place I have been clean for 2 1/2 yrs. Now I wake up everyday n start being grateful in all areas of my life…I now love me with that I can share my love
I’ve been working on so many issues….
FEAR of absolutely everything, having panic attacks every day when in school; fear of my health; fear of my future… meditation and knowing the only time we ever have is NOW helps so much.
ANGER from things not doing exactly as *I* plan it or think it should be, anger that my parents didn’t even try to do their best… I’m trying to remember that THIS is how it is supposed to turn out.
Life is a lovely and interesting journey, don’t you think?
Be Blessed,
Kim
Hi, I’m Pam and I am a control freak. It hurts to say it. From the outside all looked well with my childhood. Perfect parents, 3 siblings, yet . . . There were many things that happened during those early years, no physical abuse, just emotional baggage of my mother’s which made me feel inadequate, unloved and “not quite good enough”. Yet she doted on and loved my siblings. I will never know her motives or why I was singled out to be the “odd man out”.
Yet, up until just a few months ago, I was trying my damnest to make sure I have the perfect home, the perfect child and the perfect marriage and on and on and on. No more! I am me, accept me or not, it’ who and I and quite frankly I like me.
Thanks, Joyce, you had a lot to do with this evolution.
Pam
Negative body image and eating disorder here. I’m just now figuring out the difference between trying to change because I feel unacceptable, and trying to change because I love myself. Not quite there yet.
Thanks!
Hey Monique..
Linda Marsh here. I can relate to what your comment says with the exception of reason to do it. I plan to do the no sugar wheat & flour diet. I have the book “Food Addicts” and have a meal plan schedule ready for me to fill in the details. Meanwhile..if there are bagels and sweet bread here, I am eating them! Hope to put my plan in place very soon. I know the hardest part of this is the starting of it. I’ve done it before. so that is the plus with me…by end of the 1st week I’m into it and motivated. It is the planning of diet shopping and actually applying it in the beginning is the hardest. I heard on local news this morning..a doctor from Salk institute saying they now have a pill that accomplishes this for us. I am not sure if it is out yet..I think it is about to. Wishing you well and success with applying the caring of yourself thru dieting because you care about yourself! (& me too)
Linda Marsh