She Walks In Beauty… or not…
Comments(10) I recently attended a wedding for a family member. The wedding was attended by people I hadn’t seen in decades. I admit to needing gentle reminders of names with more than a few. Time had been kind to some and not so kind to others…
The thing that really struck me though, was the tendency of many women to immediately start self criticizing as soon as they greeted me.
“Oy vey… women can be soo hard on themselves sometimes.”
- Pointing out the signs of aging as if it was a crime
- Apologizing for their looks
- Minimizing accomplishments
As an avid ‘people-watcher’ and amateur sociologist, I created 2 general categories of women at the wedding.
- Those who move through their life with self confidence, grace and poise
- Those who do not
Both groups show it in everything from the clothes they choose, the way they walk, dance, laugh, interact and eat.
The experience gave me an opportunity to reflect on my own self confidence. Being a typical middle aged woman in the ‘looks’ department, with my fair share of wrinkles, love handles and pesky unwanted chin hair (lol), I move through my life with confidence, grace and poise.
- I walk tall and freely… I love the way my body feels when I move, whether outside leading a horse or across a dance floor… I feel good… (shoes notwithstanding…)
- I wore a lovely lime green embroidered middle eastern sheer blouse with a bright pink camisole… I felt exotic and mysterious… (gotta like that eh?)
- I chose simple food from the buffet that closely resembled the foods I normally eat, and passed on the rest… (why… why… does so much have to be swimming in sauce… ewww)
- I love dancing (two stepping) with my wonderful husband… (hold me closer… mmm…)
I realized that wherever we go, we take ourselves with us… My self confidence has come from all the personal work I have done to resolve and let go of my baggage and embrace my authentic power and beauty… the confidence starts on the inside… and the outside reflects that… (it’s an energy thing…)
I would love your thoughts on this… where do you think power and poise and grace come from?
I feel that our power, poise & grace come from within, but that it was nurtured by our upbringing.
I do not feel I would be the woman I am today had I not had the strong resilient mother that raised me. She endured through somethings that I don;t know that I could have handled, and she managed to come through them relatively unscathed, while holding down a full time job, and finishing the raising of 5 children (I was the youngest).
My only regret is that my mother never got to see me at this point of my life, where I am today at my strong point. I lost my Mom 7 years ago to cancer, when I was at the lowest point in my life. I took her strength and found my confidence to move my life forward. I know she would be proud of me.
Can I walk across that room and feel that power, poise and grace now … you better believe I can!
As usual my dear Joyce you are right on the mark. Self Esteem comes from within, and it is natural for some and not for others. The reason I think is some learned early and had reinforcement from family and friends. Most of us though must make a conscious choice(I believe in me), speak kind “self talk” and focus on our attributes.
I always walk in “outer” beauty, maybe sometimes too much. I don’t go out of my house unless I am groomed; makeup (even if minimal) and presentable clothing. I feel good about myself on the inside when my outer shell looks good. Though, I think my inner peace, contentment, confidence and beauty makes me glow, which adds a lot to the outer shell.
The ONE SINGLE TIME I went to the pharmacy without makeup and in my sweats, I ran into a very prominent person I work with on a daily basis who asked me if I was ill and what did I have. LOL.
I have been pondering (and observing others) on this very topic for several months now.
It began in the ladies restroom here at work…a co-worker was complaining of ‘old age setting in’, sighing … you get the picture. Another woman agreed… “Now that I’m 43…I’m a mess.”
I was stunned. I was standing there tall (all 5′4″ of me), wearing sassy and cute clothes purchased at a store that usually only young adults go to…
I was older than both of them…and looked years younger.
This was a big wake-up call for me.
I have worked diligently on my self-esteem. Had I allowed my upbringing/environment to dictate my esteem…I would not be here today. It was that bad. I had to rebuild myself piece by piece. That is where my self-esteem is from…my own self. I had to educate myself…learn for myself…
It is serving me well…it is keeping me young and sassy. I am curious about myself and how far I can go with who I am…sometimes I goof up…that’s when I laugh the hardest and move on.
I for years suffered from low self asteem. I turn 45 today, and i am beautiful inside and out. i nolonger care what others think of me. I am happy with myself and for all the accomplishments i have made since my accident in 06.I am at peace with myself!
I think having self confidence is sometimes mistaken for conceit. As an independent recording artist I have to blow my own horn continually; I don’t have a publicist to do it for me! This has made me think about what I do (write, sing, perform) and as I began to tell others about it, I began to know myself better. In the last year or so I’ve become much more comfortable with myself as a creative person and my self confidence has risen too. I believe there will always room in my life for self improvement but not because of shame or guilt and not for someone else’s benefit but because it’s another adventure on my path of self discovery; because it pleases me.
It has taken me almost 20 years to get my self confidence back. I had the unfortant experice as a child that took that away from me. I have to contrube the Army to helping me become the woman I am today. I’m a single Mom of two teenagers and I have the normal self doubt and the guilt and shame of my childhood is still there but I just remind myself that I’m not that scared, guly little girl anymore. So, I walk with my head held high and I look everyone in eye as I walk by and say hello with a smile. I feell that make everyones day just a little bit better.
I love what Lisa Kewish said:
“I have worked diligently on my self-esteem. Had I allowed my upbringing/environment to dictate my esteem…I would not be here today. It was that bad. I had to rebuild myself piece by piece. That is where my self-esteem is from…my own self. I had to educate myself…learn for myself…” –thanks Lisa! That pretty much sums it up for me, too.
What pride I feel for having the ability to attract such great things for myself!
Love this topic! I love to observe people…especially women!!! You can tell soooo much about someone by how they walk, talk, eat, what they wear, what they buy, etc. i find myself often feeling sad for people while observing them and also reminding myself of where I was at years ago with my life and self. I too was recently at a family members wedding and felt so beautiful, sexy, glamorous, etc. Very posh, elaborate wedding with me in my “garage sale special” black dress, “garage sale” heels and of course “garage sale” antique/ vintage neckalace. I had more compliments on what I wore and how I looked and I prob spent a total of $10 on my outfit! I felt sooooo empowered and it was not the “latest fashion statement” but something simple that I put my own style to. I was proud and felt great. Walking around taking photos, not having to drink alcohol for courage, eating “healthy/natural” foods and observing. I never could have pulled that off years ago!!! I love being adventurous, daring and myself!
I am going to find a new place to live to save more money, (simplify my life) since my daughter moved out, I don’t need a bigger place. I am working hard on finding a job, since I got laid off, (would be so helpful). I start to work out with a trainer since I gained 20 pounds from streesing over life. I need to simplify, be more healthy, having my family and friends encouraging me with every good step I make. I want tranquility and peace back into my life that’s what I am doing to simplify myself and the life around me.