How Big Is Your Push-Back Button?
You know.. I get a lot of pleasant emails from women who find meaning and enjoy the daily messages that I send on Loving the Woman In the Mirror facebook group. The energy of those messages is soft and flowing and loving…
"and another thing!!!..."
Then… for every several hundred of the soft kind, I get a woman who SHOUTS at me, calls me names and threatens to report me as spam… yikes… (sometimes the anger is waaaaay over the top)…
My very first instinct when someone sends me one of the second kind of email is to push right back (I’m human, too…) but within a split second…
I stop… breathe… and find center…
- I do not give my power away to someone I’ve never met, who doesn’t know me…
- I take full responsibility for the energy that I send out…
I have been in the process of disintegrating that ‘push-back’ button for a long time… it used to be huge… it used to be really sensitive… not anymore… it’s almost completely gone but for a fleeting memory…
I got to thinking about how ‘pissy’ I used to get when:
- someone cut me off in traffic
- some cut in front in a line up
- someone interrupted me
- someone ignored me
- etc… etc…
Not anymore… rarely at least… I did mention the being human part right? lol… Now I am centered, and grounded and I maintain my cool… regardless of what shows up out of the blue…
So what about you… how big is your ‘push-back’ button? Is it big? Is it just itching to be used?
- What drives you crazy, makes you mad, gets your goat, pushes your button?
- Are you more grounded now? Have you changed?
I am really interested… please share your thoughts…
Joyce
Joyce,
I’m one of those who enjoy your daily notes, and my push-back button is the same as yours - disintegrated to a shadow of its former self. Centered, peaceful and free. From here, I can say life is a pleasure no matter what’s going on! Thank you for putting your feelings and experiences into words. Your authenticity and clarity are refreshing and appreciated!
I seem to do really well staying grounded when I’m pushed by outsiders, but my family (grown children) seem to be able to push my buttons to no end. With the holiday season approaching, my anxiety is growing as my mind conjures up every kind of conflict that could possibly happen. So much of my anxiety isn’t even based in reality! Seems like I’m pushing my OWN buttons!
I guess I really don’t have a push back button. At a very early age, my father taught me to treat others as I would like to be treated so that’s been my guide through life. I also take time to think about who’s trying to push my buttons. Sometimes “misery loves company” so people push buttons. Since I don’t like to be miserable, I don’t do the “push buttons” dance. Remembering a person’s anger is about what they’re going through at the moment is about them and not about me. They’re just looking for a way out of their anger moments so they take it out on someone else and have to learn that doesn’t work. They need to go with to find out what’s really causing their anger.
I am also one who enjoys your messages Joyce… not that I have to tell YOU that since I write to you so often! You have been a big influence in my life. You are an amazing role model and mentor.
I have been doing my work and I have been doing so well with anger lately! Every small little thing used to shove me over the edge but take more time to relax now, to not take things so personally and I’m quick to take a step back when I need to.
Self-confidence may be coming into play here, too. Knowing for every person who doesn’t like me or my message there are lots more who write to tell me that they DO like me and my message.
I really like what ‘Doris’ said today in reply about anger being what the other person is going through at that moment and not me. It certainly fits with my latest blog post!
Thanks for this one… just at the right time. As usual.
xxx
I wish to say honestly that I stay focused and centered in most situations, but the truth is I’m getting better at caching myself and when I see I get caught up in anger, I’m recognizing it faster and more willing to let go.
The truth is there is still a way to go, but I can love myself in the process and get a glimse of whats is going on inside of me and why I react…Really funney to be able to observe myself with compassion and less jugdement….
To growing and expanding
Camilla
WOW, What a great gift to receive for Christmas. When someone pushes me, which just happened a few days ago, I thank them. How else will we know how well we are doing? We work so hard at being Loving, caring, individuals who do not re-act, but act in Peace, showing concern and compassion. Now you know. Thanks for sharing with us so we can all benefit from your experience. Big HUGS, Sequoia Elisabeth
My pushback button is not as bad as it once was. The only person that can still push my button is my husband, though it doesn’t happen very often anymore and it’s always because I reacted/accepted something he said/did/emailed to me in too sensitive a way.
If I take the time to think/analyze and not react I realize that not only do we communicate from a mars/venus perspective but he communicates from an engineer/computer programmer (his profession) perspective and I listen from a legal standpoint (my profession) and neither the twain shall met.
It boils down to I need to listen with an open heart and not a closed mind.
Joyce,
You are a blessing with all of your encouragement and tangible actions we can all take in our lives to make them better.
I think one of the things that upsets me the most is when I’m having a conversation with a person, and someone else jumps in and talks about a completely different subject. It feels like a direct rebuffing.
I am learning to dissect why I feel the way I do, and that helps to take the edge off and give me a tangible positive action to prevent further issues.
As you know Joyce, I am one of your biggest fans and really love reading your messages. I am beginning not to automatically react when my push buttons are pressed. I breathe deeply, do some mental EFT, smile and ask where the lesson to be learnt in this situation is. Must admit that I am not as consistent as I would like to be in staying calm and do flare up on occasion! Though much less so than I used to when younger and now by coming from the heart can be less judgmental and reactive.
Thank you Joyce for your warmth and gentle wisdom that guides us all towards love and acceptance.
I push-back when my physical disability stands in the way of my accomplishing movement goals. And when I get frustrated things seems to go more wrong — like dropping my cane so I keep having to bend over to get it — which is a good thing on behalf of continued flexibility, but can be quite painful. I know the more upset I get, the more painful it feels also. The biggest thing is that I’m sure my upset negatively affects my loved ones around me. And yes, sometimes they say, I don’t want to be around you when you are like that. I wish I could control that better. Suggestions?
It’s nice to know I have a choice to be negative or positive. Anger is prevelant and I just do not participate in it. I don’t get angry or take offense to others any more. It hurts the angry person more than anyone else. When you are in the Word and live by it there is a peace like no other. Put on the armour of God and be protected with a large smile on your face. Spirit penetracts flesh.
Hi Joyce,
I used to get so angry when that would happen to me. I would get very “pissy” to quote you. lol However I have since become a born again Christian and I have learned to handle those not so pleasant situations in a calmer, more relaxed way then before. I had a talk with my dad years ago before I started going to church and he used to ask me what I could do to change things that I had absolutlety no control over. I have learned that since I cannot change anyone or somet things, I just do not stress over it. I just smile and go on with my day. I do have days where a smile just does not cut it for me. But that where I just need to pray hard so that I do not do something that I will regret. My health and life is a lot better since I have learned to do this. It takes time because after all before anything else, we are still human! Smile!
Joyce,
The person who YELLED at you and threated to report you as SPAM, didn’t she have to subscribe to your daily messages? Doesn’t she just have to unsubscribe if she doesn’t want to read what you have to share? She does have a choice, right?
Just wondering . . .
I love the practice that several have mentioned of thanking the ‘Invisible Realm’(my way of saying the energy) for ‘coming in this form’, to show me my strength…I received a very angry email today,too. It feels like a knife in the heart for a minute…then I went to take a hot bath in sage, to clear me of the vibration, and went to meditate to cut the negative cord from that person.
Thanks Joyce and everyone for sharing. For having the courage to mention it. It’s so important now. That we call each other on it in a loving way, as Joyce did, because our time as come to lead the way…we MUST stay in the LIGHT and stay cooperative. Thanks Joyce, so much!
Isn’t the collective wisdom wonderful? It takes a village… it takes a village…
in friendship,
Joyce
I read your emails almost all the time and I do get a great deal from them. I don’t usually respond but this one touched me as I too still have issues with anger and people pushing my buttons. However, I’ve been getting a great deal out of your emails and others who respond. I’d just like to take this time to thank you for all you do for me.
THANKS
I’m glad you wrote an article about this subject. I am a currently a student at a large university and boy, do I run into all sorts of people. Some good, some bad. There are many who criticize, call you names, tear you down. When you’re surrounded by 50,000 people of all different types of backgrounds, it’s easy to want to push back. Reading your articles have helped be more centered individual. To realize that it’s just one persons opinion of you, to not take it so personally.
I’m learning that who is around me and how I react to others IS personal, (in a different way than Sa Huynh means I think…)
… it’s telling me something about myself. My dog’s antsy-ness and whining — and anger that that brought up — brought me to the realization that I still felt like I was missing out on something if there was something going on and I wasn’t there…
Learning that it’s ok, everything I need is HERE, it doesn’t really matter how I decide so relax and do what seems/feels best.
Then I can deal with my dog’s moods better, too, and they also seem then to be less extreme…
Thanks, Joyce, for these promptings! <3
Hi JOYce! I have not really had anything to post on your blog, but this “pushy-backy” thing has really touched me in a big way. You see, I don’t really know yet how to push back in a positive way, with a back-bone! Usually, I let people rob me with their anger or negativity and I prefer to leave, or not see them again, rather than immediately react. However, I AM working on it, and I’m really appreciating all the comments so as to help me grow. I guess you need to thank that person who started all of this, as she’s helping us all grow and be better people today than we were yesterday!!! xoxo P
2006 was the turning point for me. After nearly loosing my life I came back a much nicer person (I think). I can see that much of what bothered me before was really squalls not storms, I can let things roll over me and not consume me. I am totally aware of being loved, appreciated and am amazed at the abundance in my life.